It’s time to be real. As you read about me on my “about page” I had begun seeing how truly negative I was. I don’t know if I had “become” that way or really was that way my whole life. I think the latter. I have struggled with depression and self-pity and jealousies. I even have a memory as a very young girl while visiting my grandma, a friend told me “you are just feeling sorry for yourself.” I was somewhat shocked but not really understanding kind of shrugged it off. But that memory sticks with me and I have many more similar ones. I’ve lived far too long hanging onto all that is “wrong”, all that is difficult. Living in the dark, the darkness of my own self-pity, self-loathing. I’ve wanted change for a long time but never really knew where to find it.
For years now, I have prayed that God would fill me with joy. I was tired of feeling glum and blah all the time.
Over this last year I think He has been answering that prayer. Bringing into my life wonderful books, people, experiences as well as slowly easing the blinders off of my eyes to truly see. I think what I have truly begun to understand is that the joy is in my grasp to gain. I just need to learn how to grab it.
“That Feeling” was really my first aha! moment of significance. And those moments have continued to flow ever since.
Last spring, I was teaching Sunday school and we were reading the story of St. Seraphim and the bear (Saints and their animals). I think this was my 2nd big nudge that I needed to pursue life from a different angle. That I truly do have control and the ability to grab my own joy. St. Seraphim’s story is lovely and inspiring and it has truly opened my heart & eyes to something new and rich.
In the story of St. Seraphim that I read to the children we read that St. Seraphim greeted everyone, every day with “Christ is Risen!” This brought me back to that thought of wanting “That Feeling” every single day of the year.
“You cannot be too gentle, too kind. Shun even to appear harsh in your treatment of each other. Joy, radiant joy, streams from the face of him who gives and kindles joy in the heart of him who receives.”
That Joy! That radiant joy is mine when I give joy, when I kindle joy in the heart of others.
This is the joy I seek! I seek it now by learning to kindle joy in others. That is what this journey is about. Will you join me on this journey, this journey to kindle joy in the hearts of others?
And the result? Radiant Joy! Grab it!
Kindler of Joy! 